Do you remember Dippity-Do?
It was a hair setting gel that my mother used to stockpile.
That’s largely my fault because the first thing that I used to do whenever a fresh jar would enter into our home was to instantly put my finger into it, play with it and dig bobby pins into it. Ahhh the smell of it, ooohhh the color of it…and those bubbles! Honestly, people, how could you not? It would also make that oh so satisfying sluurp sound that scratched my little ADD itch.
I totally had forgotten about it until I saw a jar of it in a friends bathroom. I was sooo tempted…but I resisted, and man, let me tell you it took everything that I fookin’ had.
Gahh..Just to hear that sluurp again!
That’s what…oh never mind…
The bathroom, for me, was an indoor playground/water park. Besides the Dippity Do and the sink there was so much other stuff in there to get my ass in trouble with:
Jean Nate Body Splash. I took that as a command and poured a nice puddle of it on the bathroom floor and did as instructed. Splish, splash, now I smell like a tramp…(sing with me) My Grandma used to pronounce it exactly how it was spelled and put it on a par with Chanel #5. On humid days you can still smell it in the bathroom.
40 years later.
White Shoulders Powder – the one with that floor waxer sized puff- again a command, make those shoulders white. Puff away with wild abandon until the whole floor is covered with powder. Here’s the best part, move your feet and see an outline of two perfect foot prints. Do this again until there are no more clean tiles on the floor. Your bathroom now smells like the early bird at Morrison’s.
“You’re crazy, Liberace is a genius, you kids don’t know good music“, random Grandma quote.
Tampons – Tampons these days are gentle, petal soft, NASA engineered with GPS and aerodynamic… but back in the day they were nothing of the sort. Although I wasn’t a user at the time, in my snooping/ research I found that they were simple white cardboard telescopic cylinders roughly the size of a cigar tube and just as hard. It was entirely possible to get a paper cut down there, and I wouldn’t know a damn thing about that, honestly. The applicator was perfect for a pretend cigarette. And don’t waste that tampon part. Make sure you put that in the toilet and watch it grow before your very eyes. Magic! Fun!… Hells yes it would clog the toilet but Dad wasn’t going to give Mom any guff about that because it may have been that time of the month. Dad was no fool. Had the guy in the photo been around during my youth I’m sure we would be married to each other. That tampon gun is sick/cool.
Grandma’s Hot Water Bottle – Well, that’s what she called that contraption with the tubes that hung on the back of the bathroom door. “Keep away from that, child, you’re liable to get sick”, she warned me one day. Wisely, I took her advice. Rare for me.
Rose Petal fancy soap in a dish – That was for company. So that they would say Ohhh…little flower shaped soaps…how impressive, how classy, how utterly divine and then we’d be the talk of the town and be on everyone’s A list forever. I used to steal/take them from other people’s houses because they were meant for me anyway. Had an uncontrollable urge to bite them. Unlike my Dippity Do urge I don’t have that desire anymore.
Q-Tips – folks, I can’t pass up a Q-tip.
I think my g spot somehow ended up in my ear.
I’m a pack a day user, but I’m considering the patch.
Don’t make that face…and don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.
That was just way too much sharing on my part.
I know… I need counseling.
But you’ll never look at a Q-tip the same way again.
Prell – I received the ass beating of a lifetime for pouring an entire bottle down the tub drain. Wasn’t there a pearl in it? It said so in the commercial.
Ma, I was just looking for the pearl…waah..I’m gonna write about this in my blog someday.
“I’ll fix your wagon, good, Missy Miss”… – Random Grandma
Peace – Rene