missing glory

photo by Elena Kalis via Magpie Tales
she was light and magic, springtime laughter woven through her hair
i found her world cluttered and noisy, a place where logic frowns
ambushed, my heart leapt when i heard a bird call, her breath of life

she was a singer of hymns, a joyful, patient sentinel
i was a snare drum, ready to snap at the skip of a beat
i now find myself leeching to the choir, waiting on her voice

she was my cloudship, an ocean, a free spirited ticket to ride
i gnawed away at my tether, she became my new life line
i hold, needing like a child, the loose end of her crimson thread

Rene ~ 2013
Advertisements

18 thoughts on “missing glory

  1. There are some good and interesting verb choices like "leeching to the choir" and "gnawed away at my tether". Can't help but think that it can be shortened down though, the first line can be written as "She was springtime laughter woven in air" and the second line: "I found her place, where logic frowns". But maybe that's just me. I hope I'm not coming off as rude. I still like the poem though, especially the last phrase.

  2. Following Andrew . . what about "She had/There was springtime laughter woven through her hair." A phrase so beautifully knitted into your poem doesn't perhaps need the "light and magic." ?

  3. Yeah,I guess. Something to revisit in the future. The thing about Sijo is that if you pull one thread the whole thing starts to unravel. Thank you for your advice, though. I do appreciate it. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem.

Say something!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s